i need to make up my mind.
i’m almost positive i’m going to change my major back to education. i haven’t decided whether i should do elementary education or if i should maybe do an english or behavioral sciences major and do secondary education. choices choices. i’m never going to be done with school.
“for those who believe in god, most of the big questions are answered. but for those of us who can’t readily accept the god formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. we adjust to new conditions and discoveries. we are pliable. love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. i am my own god. we are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. we are here to drink beer. we are here to kill war. we are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us.”
-bukowski.
i’m not really sure if i’m a realist or if i’m just cynical. probably the latter.
i’ve been really pissed off at humanity lately, by the way. maybe not humanity as a whole but definitely the people of the USofA. i’m tired of being surrounded by bullshit and brainwashed people and super sized value meals and the overbearing sense of entitlement that everyone seems to have and people spending hoards of money on dumb shit to try and convince themselves that they’re worth something. open your eyes.
the weather this week is gonna be intense. i hope someone will explore nature with me.
i just got home from visiting the lovely colleen budd at oberweis ice cream and dairy store. i don’t remember the last time i’ve been so excited to see one of my friends. i haven’t seen her since august!
i haven’t gone to oberweis since nicole quit a few months ago. i felt weird being there now since i used to be there all the time working or after i quit, sitting in the back with nicole even though i wasn’t allowed to do that. that was probably the worst job i’ve ever had but also definitely the most fun. does that make sense? i constantly talked so much shit about that job and i left in tears more than one time. wah. but i really, really loved so many of the people i worked with there and they all became such good friends of mine. we had lovely homemade breakfasts and so many sick hangouts like going off roading in tim’s car after work (lol). and we used to have awesome closing parties when nick or nicole were the closing managers and even the people that weren’t working would come and hang out and help. it was sweet. plus, we had an older lady named donna who worked as a shiftleader and she was cool as heck and would talk shit with us all the time. when nicole finally quit it was truly the end of an era. the point is that i really miss those days and i wish that everyone could come back so that reapplying there to try and make it through the summer wouldn’t be such a bum out.
i now present to you a list of things that have made me feel NOT like punching people over the past week:
01. cherry limeade with rum and having so much fun at the bar with michelle on tuesday, i love her.
02. starbucks happy hour.
03. sunflowers in my back yard!
04. the other day i was talking to my mom about how i really wish i could find gallons of arizona sweet tea and yesterday i woke up and she said, “look what i got you!” and it was a gallon of arizona sweet tea!
05. this exact quote: “goodnight horse champion!”
06. my hair has reached a much more acceptable shade now and i think i love it.
07. i bought sweet incense the other day.
08. my family is watching my aunt’s dogs and the puppy is sooo cute i can’t even deal with it.
09. on monday my mom and i had chinese food and wine for lunch.
10. remembering that i can be the better person in certain situations and actually following through with what it takes to be that.
11. people with awesome manners.
12. people who give me giant tips when i deliver pizzas.
13. the constant reminder of the love and support that my bosses have given me since i met them seven years ago when they were just my coaches and not my role models yet.
14. knowing that someone is finally ready to do what it takes to get better.
15. i just played super mario bros for 2.5 hours.
i’m sure there is more but i think my eyes might fall out in about four seconds.
i’m happy this week is almost over. i don’t know if i should consider tomorrow or monday the fresh start. but tomorrow i am judging at a place that is only fifteen minutes from my house! this is the absolute shortest distance i have ever driven for anything related to this job and i’m real happy about it. plus, i only have to be there from 8:45-3 and i’m making $100. i judged for this company a few months ago and they specifically requested me for this weekend. i have no idea why but it made me feel good about myself.
in other news. i just found out that the devil child neighbor has a little sister that i never knew about. she’s probably two or three years old and i swear i have never laid eyes on her before. she sat on the lawn and waved at me real slow yesterday, giving me the heebie jeebies much like the other children in that family.
abone moved today. crucial bum out. but i can’t wait to go visit her and go to kuma’s and the beach all the time. and i think she is going to live very close to the best italian lemonade ever so that kicks ass.
okay. bring on next week. goodbye!
happy b-day to my tumblr. it is one year old. i just got an e-mail letting me know how fast my tumblr is growing up. sigh.
I brought my Good Charlotte CDs to work. I rule.
i want to listen to ‘the anthem’ and ‘wondering’. real bad.
i am excited for summer to get here so i can drive with the windows down and listen to summer music and sit outside when i go on coffee dates with my friends and wear sandals and dresses and lay in the grass with my dogs forever and go to splash station and maybe even the taste of joliet and go to the beach where i will most likely dig a giant hole and hopefully this summer i will even get to ride a rollercoaster!
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
i wish i could tell you. i should be done with school by this time next year. but the fact of the matter is, i am so indecisive about my major. i feel like i’m not doing the right thing. i’m working in the industry that i am going to school for, and i am exhausted by it already. it doesn’t help that when i look at the event schedule for next year for work, i freak out. twenty four events between september and the beginning of april. twenty four weekends dedicated soley to work, mostly in hotels, late nights, too early mornings, fifteen+ hour days. plane rides and being exhausted and stressed out and wishing i could just sleep in my own bed in my own room with the fan on, not laying in uncomfortable positions because i don’t want to disturb whoever i’m sharing a bed with by floppy fishing to get into the right position. anyway, i want to change my major back to elementary education. i want to do something worthwhile with my life.
the rest of my friends will be turning 21 soon. so that will be a riot. i know i want to go see the wonder years in july. that is a dream of mine. i hope that i see the gaslight anthem sometime in the next 365 days. i want to go to kuma’s.
other than that… i guess i just want to get by. i’ve been so bored with my life for such a long while and i’m just hoping things will get more exciting. i need something to shake up my existence.
this is unfinished and is in alphabetical order by band. if you think anything is missing, tell me.
ESSENTIAL POP PUNK ALBUMS:
alkaline trio - self titled
alkaline trio - “god dammit”
allister - “last stop suburbia”
blink 182 - “dude ranch”
boys night out - “make yourself sick”
brand new - “your favorite weapon”
the early november - “the room’s too cold”
fall out boy - “take this to your grave”
finch - “what it is to burn”
fireworks - “all i have to offer is my own confusion”
home grown - “kings of pop”
midtown - “living well is the best revenge”
motion city soundtrack - “i am the movie”
the movielife - “this time next year”
much the same - “quitters never win”
new found glory - self titled
new found glory - “sticks & stones”
rise against - “revolutions per minute”
rufio - “1985”
saves the day - “through being cool”
say anything - “…is a real boy”
set your goals - “mutiny!”
something corporate - “leaving through the window”
the starting line - “say it like you mean it”
taking back sunday - “tell all your friends”
the wonder years - “the upsides”
it’s hard to function at 100% when everyone around you is moving up and moving on while you’re basically stuck in neutral. i’ve had the same best friends for years but slowly they are fading out. it’s hard to feel the uncomfortable weight of awkward silence between you and someone else when not so long ago being able to sit in silence and just be was a sign of the strength of your bond. i never really know what to do anymore. it makes me so sad that i never see much of most of my friends. you can say the phone works both ways, but that’s such a stupid thing to say. sometimes you know it’s not worth it to pick up the phone and call someone. i probably seem bitter, but i’m not. i don’t feel like a victim. yeah, i’m jealous that i’m trapped in a rut while everyone’s lives seem so exciting and perfect. i know that everyone else has their problems, too, but with most of my friends, i don’t know what they are anymore. such is life, right?
every time i think i’m on the same page as anyone at all, i’m wrong.
i was very taken aback just now when i saw that i had a message and i didn’t understand but then i knew what was going on. that sentence sounds like i wrote it in code.
being 21 is alright so far. i kept getting really nervous when i was ordering drinks last night because i felt like i was going to get in trouble or something. i need to adjust to this. i do not feel older… yet.
i had a good birthday. i used to hate birthdays, but my last two have been pretty successful.
chelsey sent me flowers and a card that nearly made me cry. i miss her so much. nicole got me wine and a funny shot glass. a-bone made me horchata cupcakes! mom and dad gave me presents last night, of course i got new cardigans. i had to go to school today, but i went to nicole’s afterwards and her mom gave me a hug and kimberly told me cat jokes and nicole served me margaritas. annnnd then i went to chili’s with allyssa and nicole. and i got a giant margarita. i did not realize it was going to be so giant. it was alright, i guess. after that, nicole and a-bone and michelle and i went to moe joe’s. i consumed the following things during the night, in this order: tequila shot, $1 PBR, and then one more PBR, and a half a PBR, and then another full PBR, and a lemon drop, and another PBR. we tried to go to gunther’s after we finished our first shot and beer but ryan cabrerra was the bouncer and he tried to card us and nicole and allyssa are not 21 so we left and went back to moe joe’s where i consumed the rest of those drinks. and then some guy kicked us out because of nicole and allyssa. we asked if we could stay until i finished my beer and he told us that our friends would have to wait outside so i chugged it real fast. i was okay with leaving because i was very done with drinking. next, we went to meijer. it was average. i wanted to steal a hanging flower pot. and then michelle and i sat in her car outside my home and had a deep heart to heart for a long time. how sweet.
i love my friends.
also, i forgot to mention that when i was at nicole’s, her mom came into the front room and said to me, “do you like pineapple upside down cake scented candles?” and i said “yes?” so she gave me one. her mom is funny.
fin.
Day 21 → A recipe
abone and i made these yesterday night. i am copying this directly from the website. we messed them up a little bit but they ended up coming out good anyway.
INGREDIENTS:
Batter:
1 Cup Root Beer Soda
1 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar
¾ Cup Granulated Sugar
⅓ Cup Canola or Vegetable Oil
½ Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
2 Teaspoons Root Beer Extract
1⅓ Cups All-Purpose Flour
½ Teaspoon Baking Powder
¾ Teaspoon Baking Soda
Pinch of Salt
Chocolate Ganache:
5 Ounces Dark Chocolate, Chopped
¼ Cup Plain Soymilk
1 Tablespoon Maple Syrup
Vanilla Frosting:
1 Cup Vegetable Shortening
3 Cups Confectioner’s Sugar
2 Tablespoons Plain Soymilk
2 Teaspoons Vanilla Extract
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 350°F (175°C) and line a dozen muffin tins with cupcake papers.
In a large bowl, combine the soda and vinegar and let stand for a few minutes. Add in the sugar and oil, whisking vigorously until slightly frothy. Integrate your extracts. In a small bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Gently introduce this dry mixture into your large bowl, being careful not to over mix. Distribute the batter evenly between the prepared tins, filling the cupcake liners approximately ¾ of the way to the top. Bake for 18 to 22 minutes, until evenly browned, and a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. After letting the cupcakes cool in the pans for about 10 minutes, remove them to a wire rack and allow them to cool completely before preparing the ganache. When the cupcakes are ready, combine all of the ingredients for the ganache in a microwave-safe container and microwave for about 60 seconds. Stir thoroughly to help incorporate the melting chocolate. If the chocolate is not yet entirely smooth, return the sauce to the microwave for 15 to 30 second intervals, stirring between each heating and watching carefully to ensure that it doesn’t burn. Drizzle the ganache in squiggles over the tops of the cupcakes. You will probably have plenty of leftover ganache, but I don’t see that as a particularly bad thing. Allow the ganache squiggles to fully cool and dry before preparing the frosting.
With your stand mixer, beat the shortening thoroughly, until creamed. Add in the confectioner’s sugar, and beat on a low speed, so as not to spray powder everywhere. Incorporate the soymilk and vanilla, and combine thoroughly, until the frosting is thick and creamy. Apply to your cupcakes and enjoy.
Yield: 12 Cupcakes
Day 20 - A hobby of yours.
does driving around and listening to loud music count as a hobby? probably not. i think that my hobby may be trying to find a hobby. i have tried to learn a million different languages, attempted different crafty things, and have tried to learn how to play a handful of different instruments. i guess the closest thing i have to an actual hobby is baking, although my love for it is kind of sporadic. it comes up a lot when i’m really freaking out about something in my life. but i make some mean chocolate chip cookies, if you are ever interested!
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
this is my sickest bro, alfie. he is an excellent snuggler, he is badass, and he doesn’t bend his front knees when he runs so it’s pretty funny looking. his only negative attributes are that he is too good at sneaking out of the yard and he loves to steal food, especially mexican food (duh).
i have three other dogs, but i don’t love them as much. they still tickle my fancy, though.
I played with a $1200 long hair Chihuahua today. He was awesome. I’ll post a pic later.
holy expensive! i bet it was real cute, though. my chihuahua was only $99 because he was slightly used when i got him.
Day 19 → A talent of yours
i don’t know, man. i guess i’m really good at spotting wacky things that everyone else misses. one time i was in the car with all my friends and i saw a clown climbing a ladder outside someone’s house and i was the only one who saw it. another time, i saw a peacock running around in joliet. another one of my talents is being able to sing the songs in the voice from those quizno’s commercials that had those weird little sponge monkey animals. EAAAAAAT QUIZNOS SUUUUUUUUUUUBS.
THESE TALENTS SUCK.
